His Secret Garden
by TSRowenwood
Summary: Robin has always needed a place to let out his feelings. Let's face it, he's had a really rough life that no thirteen-year-old should have to go through. Later, the team learns of his secret garden, and in doing so, learns a little more about him.


It was a lovely, bright, sun-shiny day out by Happy Harbor. The birds were singing, people were up and about. Why, even things at Mr. Justice were looking up.

Kaldur had left, leaving to visit Atlantis. The rest of the team was at the mountain, just . . . being teenagers. Conner was sitting before the TV, watching his favorite show of static, while Artemis, Wally, and Robin were having a nice, civilized conversation. And M'gann, well, no one really knew where she was. She had disappeared over an hour ago.

"I don't care!" Okay, so maybe the conversation wasn't as civilized as I said. "Bats would make sure my death was_ slow_ and _painful _if I took off my shades!"

"Who said he'd have to know?" Artemis 'reasoned'.

Robin glared at her. "Have you learned _nothing _about Bats and I? He WILL find out eventually. It doesn't matter how hard we try to keep it a secret!"

"Hey, you did -"

Robin slapped a hand over Wally's mouth and whispered in his ear, "Remember that no one knows I told you," He then looked at Artemis apologetically. "Sorry. He was just saying to me how we got away with one of our pranks awhile back. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't punished with me. Bats found out last week," he grumbled.

Wally laughed. "Sucks to be you!"

Robin turned a glare on him. "Yeah, well -" He stopped midsentence, staring at something behind Artemis. She and Wally turned around.

M'gann was walking into the kitchen with two or three day-lilies in a glass vase. "Aren't they beautiful?" She asked. Conner turned around at her voice.

"Where did you get those?" he asked, just out of politeness though, he really didn't care.

"I was walking around the mountain when I came across a room. It had all types of plants in it."

Robin winced. M'gann glanced worriedly at him. "Did I do something wrong?"

He quickly put on a smile. "No, you didn't. Just . . . would you mind asking next time you cut something in there?"

"Since when do you care about flowers?" Wally poked him.

"Lay off, Wally," Robin turned to M'gann again after shoving Wally off the chair and grinning briefly as Wally cried out "Dude!" before impact. "It's my conservatory."

Artemis's eyebrow shot up. "You're a gardener?"

"Not exactly. Come on, I'll show you," Robin hopped off the stool and walked slowly towards the door. The team exchanged looks before they hurried after him.

As they walked deeper into the cave, the team's hacker started explaining. "You see, when this place was hollowed out and all of the tech put in, they left one room how it was. I mean, they hollowed it out, but kept in the dirt floors and let water drip in, like a real cave. When I found it six months ago, I was having some . . . issues. My best friend had just passed away. So Bats helped me come up with an idea of what I could do for her," he stopped at a door. "Ready?"

He got varying sounds of acknowledgement from Conner's grunt of agreement to Wally's exclamation of blackmail opportunities.

He smirked, but not as brightly as usual. "Then let's get this started," And after that note, he opened the door.

Inside was a walking path of stone, twisting and turning, leading them to different sections of the garden. There were several different plants in the room, from ivy to small flowers to trees.

"Each of these plants is for a different person," His voice seemed more down in here. Like a man who had suddenly been handed the weight of Atlas. Robin suddenly knelt downpicked up a digger to pry up a weed. "Those things are annoying. Always trying to take over."

"What is that one for? It's not even a real tree," Conner pointed to a small, plastic tree that indeed wasn't real, and had lollipops attached to it, with a name on a stick under it. It read, Kathryn Whelks.

He walked over. "I told you that when I made this garden my best friend had just died. She liked to dream the impossible. So when she heard the lollipop song, not the one from the Wizard of Oz by the way, she made one. Kathryn was just like that," Robin pressed his fingers to his lips and placed them on her marker, smiling a brief, sad smile. "Moving on," he said quickly, leading them further into the memorial.

"Each of these has a name underneath," Artemis noticed. She stopped walking with them to feel the petals of a rose with the name Jeffery Anderson. "Are these all for people who have passed on?"

"Yes," He looked down as if ashamed. "I knew them all, at least for a little while. When someone died when I was Robin, and I didn't know them personally, I would go to the person closest to them and ask if they had a plant preference. They all died in my care, or as I watched helplessly from the sidelines, OR even when I wasn't there. But I still feel guilty because I couldn't do anything adn they paid for it."

"Dude, you can't do that to yourself," Wally said, his voice serious as he gestured around them. "I'm sure all of these people couldn't be here because of you."

"Doesn't make it any better."

M'gann went over and pulled him into a hug. "You can't blame yourself for everything, Robin, and you can't control everything. You need to accept that."

"In short," Artemis continued, "Stop that," She finished affectionately, ruffling his hair.

Robin looked up at them for a moment before changing the subject. "You cut one of my favorites, my mothers. She always loved day-lilies. I'm glad you got hers. She would've liked you."

M'gann went pale, as did the others. Even Wally, who had known for a long while. "Your mother . . . died?" She asked, horrified.

He nodded. "Thank you for letting me show you this place. I needed to share it with someone. Now, I haven't weeded in a few days, I should probably do that."

And the teens watched as he grabbed a hand-shovel and a digger. As he worked hard to keep the ones he loved safe and healthy and as he kept the burden they hadn't known existed before this day.

* * *

Gar literally flew into the kitchen where M'gann, Wally, and Artemis were. Kaldur was in Atlantis yet again, and the Kent brothers were training.

"What's up?" Wally asked, his mouth full of cookies.

Gar responded without a pause. "The mountain. And what's with Nightwing? He just walked through the zeta beams without saying a word, holding a plant. And then he walked off," He grabbed a snicker doodle and shoved it in his mouth.

"You're as bad as Kid Mouth," Artemis said distractedly as the three older kids looked at each other. Nightwing walking into the mountain with a plant wasn't a good sign. They all stood and rushed to Life's Conservatory, as it had been officially named, as Gar followed, yelling for them to wait up.

When they reached the garden, they were greeted by the sight of Nightwing in civvies, kneeling in the dirt, planting a bunch of dandelions. He didn't even bother to stand as they entered.

"Whoa, what is this place?" Gar asked, eyes wide in wonder.

Nightwing gave him a small, sad smile. "Life's Conservatory. I plant things for people who have passed on. People who have died on my watch."

Gar gaped at him, while M'gann went up and put her hand on Nightwing's shoulder. "Who was it this time?" She whispered. Wally came up and put his hand on his other shoulder, while Artemis took his hand. He shook them off and went back to his heavy task.

"My brother."

Their eyes widened before he continued bitterly. "He didn't even get to die as himself," A few tears escaped and slipped down past his shades. "He was Robin."

"You mean, Jay's gone?" Wally knelt down beside his best friend.

"I wish I could say differently," His head hung against his chest and his hands closed into fists at his sides, tightening until he broke the shovel's handle. "I wasn't there for him! Joker got him, and I wasn''t there," He finished quietly, hands going slack once more as his brief anger left.

"He was Robin?" Artemis asked gently. "How did he die?"

Nightwing looked up at her with grief in his gaze before saying, "We do not speak of their deaths here. We remember how they lived."

Artemis nodded before continuing, "Why wasn't he ever on this team?"

Nightwing looked up at all of them, and smirked slightly. "Bats wouldn't let him. Besides, he would've hated all of you. He would've found each of your faults and made fun of them twenty-four/seven while systematically destroying your self-confidence . He didn't get along with many people," Nightwing shrugged at their incredulous glances. "So he stayed in Gotham," He took a shaky breath and laughed, though it was far from a true one. "He would constantly complain about my fault. About how I was just too happy. With my stupid made up words and optimism. And hugs," He grinned a little again. "He hated those."

"Why dandelions?" Gar looked at the yellow blooms. He couldn't bring himself to look at the face that he admired so . . . crushed. "They'll just turn into weeds."

Nightwing looked at the young boy, and went higher on his knees so that he could look him in the eye. "Jay used to tell me that flowers are petty and all they do is sit there and look pretty. They're vain, he'd say. Then he would start talking about dandelions. He'd tell me how even though they're flowers, they eventually become weeds that you can make wishes on, and that's what makes them special."

"Noted," Gar whispered.

"Wise words," Artemis said quietly, regretting that she had never met him. They would have gotten on beautifully.

"Yeah, he had his moments," Nightwing agreed, smiling sadly.

The silence in the air was heavy as the young man finished pushing the dirt in place and then stuck the name 'Jason Todd' in its place of memory. No one made the connection, as Nightwing had silently hoped they would, finally freeing him from the curse of keeping his name from them. But they didn't.

"Come here, Gar," He took the boy's hand and led him to the other side of the room before approaching another. Gar touched the iris petals reverently, and then looked at the name that marked it. Tears filled his eyes as he remembered and Nightwing pulled him into a comforting embrace. An understanding one.

"But, it wasn't your fault," he said as he leaned into his leader's hold.

"Maybe not," he began, "But I wasn't there for _you._ I couldn't be there to tell you that I knew how you felt, or give you what you needed. I can't tell you how many times that I've wanted to -" This last sentence remained unfinished, and it was merely a whisper, but heard clearly non-the-less.

Eventually Gar pulled out of the warm embrace, so that Nightwing could have his time with the brother he lost as well as the rest. They stared at his hunched form as they left, and Gar understood then what Nightwing had meant.

* * *

Kaldur had been captured, and was being held at Mt. Justice. He was in one of the bedrooms that was empty and held nothing but a forlorn bed. He would say nothing, and frankly, everyone was still to hurt about his betrayal to go speak to him.

He laid on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling and slowly rotating fan, regretting nothing. There was a creak and he quickly stood and took a defensive position. Nightwing entered the room with his hands raised.

"Relax, I'm only here to take you somewhere," His voice was light, as though they were still on the same side.

"And what makes you think I'll comply?" Was the curt, sharp response.

"You'll comply because you have two choices. You can come with me without the handcuffs, or I will put them on you and drag you with me."

Kaldur chose the former and followed Nightwing through the hallways, catching glimpses of the other teammates. They also saw him. Most glared at him viciously before continuing on their way.

They passed M'gann and she glared the usual glare before asking her leader, "Where are you taking him?"

"Life's Conservatory."

She nodded. "Make sure he knows," Then she whispered in his ear as she always did whenever he made his way to the garden, "It's not your fault, you know," And with that she walked away.

They continued walking in silence until they came to a large door that now had ivy creeping up the sides. Nightwing took out a knife and cut away the ivy. "We don't need any reminders outside of the room," he muttered. He then proceeded to open the door.

The room took Kaldur's breath away, though he never would've said so. There was a nice stone path leading to different areas of the garden. Several types of flowers, bushes and trees made their homes on the ground. Honeysuckle and different ivies climbed up the walls.

"What is this room? I do not ever recall seeing it," he asked. _How long has it even been here?_ He silently asked.

"You would have seen it, had you not been in Atlantis both times I showed it to the team. It's been here for six years," Nightwing turned around and looked Kaldur in the eye. "You once said on a mission that I didn't know how you felt when you lost Tula. How wrong you were. I've brought you here to prove that. I have a few plants to show you. Follow me."

He led Kaldur to the back of the room where English ivy creeped up the wall and day-lilies resided. Nightwing bent down and touched the leaves and petals in remembrance. "These are for my parents. They were the first that were added to this room. I had to watch as they died, not being able to help them. My aunt and cousin also died when they did. My uncle followed soon after. They're here too. I was eight."

They went over to a non-living tree next that was decked out with lollipops. "This one reminds me of you and Tula the most. This was for my best friend, and I admit, for a while I loved her. She had cancer, and I was visiting her in the hospital. I dozed off for a moment, and when I woke up, Kathryn was gone. I was twelve."

Again they made their way through the room until they came to a patch of yellow dandelions, some in the stage of transforming into common weeds. "These are for my brother. He was in Ethiopia when he died. I was in BlÜdhaven. I couldn't do anything while he was tortured and killed. That was just two years ago," He looked at Kaldur with a furious burning his eyes. "One last stop to make."

As Kaldur was shown each of these and was told their stories, he had remained silent. But he was honestly stunned by each tale. _And to think,_ he thought, _each of these plants has a person who was killed in some horrible way. And Nightwing was always caught in the middle of it, somehow._

Suddenly, Nightwing went off of the path and walked through the hesitantly went after his old comrade. He found that they were following a stream that led to a pond. The pond was very much alive with small minnows and water-lilies floating on top. His eyes widened. Water-lilies.

"They were Tula's favorite," he said.

Nightwing nodded. "You blamed me for her death. I never say it, but I blame myself as well," he sat down on a stone by the pond. He patted another stone, and Kaldur found himself joining him.

"You said I didn't know how you felt," he laughed mirthlessly. "You really were wrong. I know exactly how you felt. Forty-eight times. There are forty-seven types of flowers in here, but that's only because two of the people had the same flower preference," his face twisted in pain. "It was hard losing Tula. I couldn't do anything but watch helplessly from the sidelines as she was shot down. I was the leader, and I failed her," he turned to Kaldur. "I don't usually speak so darkly in this room, because I like to remember the good times with these people. But I'm going to be frank. You're not the only one who has suffered. Try to remember that next time you tell someone that they don't know how you feel."

Kaldur heard Nightwing stand up and leave, but it didn't register. He just sat there, looking into the pond, while his reflection stared back, broken and refracted.

**_A Few Weeks Later_**

Kaldur was gone. He had left. When someone later came up to Nightwing and told him that he hadn't been seen again on either the heroes or villains side, he replied simply, "I know."

* * *

**I got this idea when I was gardening one time . . . Then my friend kept begging me to put it up. She helped a LOT with this story.**

**Okay, the first section was in season one, while Robin was thirteen.**

**The second section was set a year before season two, when only Beast Boy had joined the team.**

**For section three, you have to ignore everything from episode seven in the second season onwards. I really wanted to have that part in, and I almost didn't put it in after today's episode, which was epic, by-the-by. So, basically this part works out with that Kaldur really did change sides, and I'm not sure if Artemis died or not in this.**

**A little about that last sentence: When I wrote it, my friend and I were talking and she mentioned how after being shown something like that, with so many people who have died, she couldn't imagine that person who was shown it going back on the bad side, or the good side. Just a little note on that.**


End file.
